Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
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It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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