Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
