never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
