I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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