Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
