babies were throwing up all over the place
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
