just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Pants are for mortals
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
