cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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