for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
