You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
