ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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