you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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