dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
