I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
nutella sex= disaster
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Randomize
