im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
