this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
