that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Randomize
