I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
