Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
