Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When are your genitals available?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
