I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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