I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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