If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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