ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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