dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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