Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
