oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
