so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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