I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I deserve to be covered in dicks
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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