No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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