just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize