I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
