I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
