what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
