she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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