It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
