I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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