Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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