im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
