If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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