What a fucking waste of an outfit
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
