If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
it's great music for shaving your balls
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
