On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
