If i come over, it means nothing
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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