A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Randomize
