i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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