I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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