You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
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What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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