Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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