so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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