I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
