It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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