What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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