if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
