can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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