This dress was meant to end up on your floor
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
time to smoke my breakfast
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
