then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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