..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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