So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
