That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
